The Boobs LA: COKE DICK

If you haven’t had the chance to visit theboobsla.com I suggest that you do so, immediately. Touching on issues that the modern girl deals with such as Sexting and Friends with Benefits. Men are not xxxcluded as they do feature lovely ladies from around the world with a great rack. Enjoy!

Picture this: You’re feeling hot, wet, and exceptionally horny. Things are heating up quite a bit, and just when you feel like you’re going to explode with the anticipation of being pounded senseless something happens…. You reach your hand down and go in for the kill! except instead of sliding your hands over a rock hard, pulsating piece of man meat youre faced with a lifeless, limp, sad little piece of flesh hanging between his legs (insert sad face). Not wanting to “ruin the moment” you begin to take charge by licking and sucking for what seems like an eternity in hopes that it will regain consciousness and “snap out” of its comatose state. Sadly, it never happens.

The owner of this flaccid thing sheepishly says “give me just a few minutes” as if he can telepathically send shock waves down his arms and legs and into his lifeless genitals like some sort of fucking Wizard at Hogwarts . All attempts are futile. You may try to console him by saying “its OK” and settle on being eaten out, or you both just do the rest of the drugs and talk about feelings . Either way, you’re gonna be left unsatisfied and downright disgusted. Congratulations, You’ve just gotten coke dicked! Coke dick is perhaps the closest a woman will probably ever feel to having “blue balls” actually Blue vag might be worse? who knows. What I do know is that it SUCKS, and if you don’t want to experience this tragedy the solution is quite simple: don’t have sex with a guy who’s pants are smaller than yours! Just kidding (kinda) but don’t have sex with a guy that’s been doing blow because chances are you’re gonna be let down (literally and figuratively).

Lushy over at LURKDAT.COM wrote a guide to coke dick along with this cokedicktastic video tribute! Thanks Lushy! enjoy!

COKEDICK COMMANDMENTS: I been in this game for years it made me an animal. There’s rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual. A step by step booklet for you to get with advice on what to do with COKE DICK.

1. (Ladies & gentlemen) Don’t do blow on the first date, especially if you’re a player who likes to hit home runs the first game. Don’t you wanna get to know each other before you blow each other? I always get awkward when I’m on cocaine and I don’t talk at all. I get self-conscious about being a ‘Chatty Cathy’ bitch, which most girls might turn into. Dudes get weird too. They conjure up weird things in their head about a girl when she talks too much, their cocks get scared (which commonly results in male coke dick dysfunction).

2. Lick dat before you dick dat! One cocaine effect is ‘appetite suppression’. A decreased appetite from the yola isn’t a excuse to not eat pussy. There better be a tall glass of water or a 40oz. on the nightstand because dudes’ mouths be gettin’ all dry & shiiiit. Same with ladies, stay hydrated! Drinking lots of water not only keeps the cooch scented like fresh ocean mist, but it also, but a guy who knows what he’s doing down there works too. Lube right by the water & 40oz. might be a good look as well, especially if you get coke courage and want to booty bang.

3. Lurk what you twerkin’ wit. I used to blow backs with a dude who was always coked out and way too focused on bringing other pussy into the bedroom (illusions of grandeur, ha). Coke would get him into adderrall ‘laser focus’ mode & he’d be calling other ‘freaks’ he knew, tweaking out on craigslist hoes tryna get them to come over. I’m there like, half naked doing the rest of his blow which was fine by me. I’m gurped the fuck out and I’m calling me a cab. Later bro!

4. Too drunk to fuck! Yolanda gets you in major rager mode, making you want to drink more and more. The more you drink, the sloppier you get. Whiskey dick = just as bad as coke dick.

5. Adrenaline highs have their lows. That blowblow can give you a high level of energy and all, but this isn’t some tantric fuckfest. If you manage to keep that D hard, fucking awesome. Let’s get that Nutt-ella. Some girls like doing it for long periods of time, some don’t. We’re not fuck dolls, we have some delicate parts. No gal wants to be a torn pussy rag doll. You should know when to quit, especially if a girl says she’s ‘hurting’. Booty banging might not be a cool idea if a dude is tryna go for days.

6. Number six, should have been number one to me. Wrap it up before you smack it up. That white girl can make you feel sexy, alert, and aroused. It also lowers inhibitions and lets you take more ‘risks’. The world has lots of drugs and diseases, but more diseases. Wear condoms. If you can drop bills on all that Devil’s Dandruff, you’re definitely ballin’ out your ass and would have no problem buying a pack of condoms.

*P.S Don’t do drugs.

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