I have seen a lot of really cool art in shop windows around England and sadly I didn’t even get any photos of them except this one which I really liked. I love that shops and desolate buildings are exited to show art in their windows here for the passersby. I wish there was a street museum where you just walked down the street and looked into the windows to see the art show. Every month could have a different theme and each little art gallery could choose how they wanted to represent it in their window!
On April 3rd a great undertaking was taken under our under garments . Michael Mckinney and I challenged ourselves to a duel only the greatest hedonist would comprehend. After some casual chatting and a little light bragging, we discovered we were quite the self heavy petters. That’s right we smacked the salami, we chocked the lizard, we nuzzled the wet nose, we crocheted the caboodle, we danced around the may pole, we percolated the beans, we popped the popcorn, we buttered the biscuits, we jerked the cajun chicken, we olly olly oxen freed ourselves, and somewhere in there we masturbated a little. But who could shoot to the stars the most by the end of 7 days?
Here is an installment of our “week in masturbations”. Most accounts of the journey were painstakingly and tenderly written (with a hand that did a lot of touching) by Michael Mckinney.
Sunday, April 3
In light of recent discussions we’d been having about the subject, Caitlin Enwright and I have decided to keep track of and log, in some detail, every time we masturbate for the next week. One part contest (to see who touches themselves most), and one part sociological experiment. Today is the beginning. The few friends I’ve told about this, just look at me with the ever incredulous eye. Let the unbelievers die. I’ll jizz on their graves….
My day in masturbations, following in the style of Gertrude Stein, more specifically, Tender Buttons.
It is a thing, like seasons, to do. To do it at 11:30 am, it is a wiser aim. And quicker, Sometimes a chicken broth and a grapefruit and the tip of a limb. The shadow climbs then you see another. It’s not a vanity, not an institution, a heat wave is a soft one. It is. It is. Like a mosquito, 3 o’clock comes around and I did it twice now! Splay the pennies, smell the eucalyptus, drain the sky, murder the rat. It is a truth. I did it twice! It is a thing, much like a bucket or a haircut.
Monday, April 4
1:45 pm –
Woke up in shambles at half past noon today on a Chilean co-workers couch in West Seattle. There was a Mexican in the kitchen shuffling around, making coffee I think. I got up, acknowledged him with a nod and left. My eyes hurt and there was a dull pain in the back of my head. My mouth was dry and unwashed, my throat was soar from too many Marlboros. Last nights debauchery left me withered. Really not a good day to continue a masturbation marathon. After arriving home from a miserable bus ride I went straight to my room and shut the door. I removed my jeans and contemplated whether I should just hop in bed and go back to sleep or get this masturbation-fest on the road. Being the competitor I am, I began browsing the web for some pornographic motivation. I settled on a plain-faced blonde who was apparently fucking her boyfriend. I swear to god the shit that came out of this girls mouth was meant to make you last longer because every time that shrill, long island accent uttered a retarded, incomplete sentence, my boner died. I quickly switched off the volume not wanting to waste more time. Now silent, I could finish in peace, right? Wrong. Masturbating when battling a hangover is borderline torture. I would equate it to manual labor. But I beat and I beat and beat through it until that sweet release finally set me free. Thank god.
In conclusion, I totally chore-fucked my hand and feel it imperative to say that, for the sake of this contest/sociological experiment, I felt very unsatisfied afterward.
Returned home after resting and then running some errands in slightly better spirits. Unzipped and masturbated with ease and pleasure to a black and white photo of Anna Karina, circa 1962. It felt romantic. She makes me swoon. Wiped the semen from my hand with a couple squares of toilet paper and tossed it in the wastebasket. Done and done. Now I will slumber, hopefully conjuring dreams of the lovely Anna Karina.
This is the first installment, of which there will be more to cum.
I have found some fun rock n roll items so far on my trip to England. I have enjoyed rock n rolls (a tortilla like chip) and a jack and coke in a can! The drink was better…I also went to a sweet bar called road trip that had a whole rock n roll theme which the photo of the rock n roll wall come from. There was also a dj there that night playing some great classic rock n roll tunes. Then of course there is the amazing insurance adds with Iggy Pop!! All and all some pretty fun stuff.
This video is awesome…Crazy school girls (one of which is Steve Tyler’s daughter -Liv, the other Alicia Silverstone!) go on a fun adventure. Makes me wanna go on a girly road trip!
I’ve been traveling around England for the last two weeks and have many fun posts to catch up on!
One of the first places I went when I got to England was my home town and village of East Grinstead and Forest Row. I met my friend Mari at the train station in London and we took a short, beautiful train ride through the English country side untill we ended up in East Grinstead. As we stepped off the train we were greeted with the wonderful smell of flowers thick in the air. We met my mother’s friend who we were going to stay with at the little round about in front of the station. I had not seen Cesca sence I was six years old, and she was just how I remembered her. Incredibly sweet, kind and beautiful. She took us to her lovely home which resembled Mari and I’s dream house with an exquisite garden. Mari and I sat dazzled by this house while she made us a lovely meal. That night we drank wine while we all caught up and got to know each other again. The next day after a lovely cooked breakfast by Cesca, I took Mari to all the places I remembered from my childhood. I lived in England from when I was four to eight and remember it as somewhat of a fairy tale. We went to one of the local farms and saw many cute young animals. Then we went to the forest filled with blue bells, one of my favorite things ever to look upon! After that we went by my old house and school through the center of town. As we walked by the locals we were met with very inquisitive looks, people would just stop and stare. We had a picnic of wine and cheese on the beautiful grounds of my old school and saw many bunnies and one pheasant! I must mention too that the weather was perfect; not too hot but wonderfully warm with the sun shining. We went back to the dreamy home of Cesca and ate more amazingly prepared food and chatted over more wine….
here are some photos, most of them taken by the lovely Mari Lotherington
Chloe Sevigny and Nike are like a match made in heaven for me. You know Chloe, the model, actress, designer, and mega-babe ‘It’ girl of the 90s who gained her fame as one of the stars of Larry Clark’s Kids. She recently teamed up with Nike Stadium to create this custom Nike Destroyer jacket.
The front says “Give Me Thine Heart” and the patch on the back is an illustration of a guilty child.
Awesome Band he was in…Silly Killers